


Until the ice begins to thaw

by risinggreatness



Series: Circle 'round the sun [33]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 22:39:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2484836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risinggreatness/pseuds/risinggreatness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saw after the war</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the ice begins to thaw

No one stays when they receive the intelligence report, no one save Saw. He remains behind in the dump they call headquarters as his insurgents drink and celebrate the night away.

His only cause for celebration is the possibility, at last, to go home.

It chafes at him, thinking of how they abandoned Iziz to be burned to the ground. Steela, Lux, and a handful of others were the only ones to make it out in time to watch as Vader destroyed their city and murdered their king.

The fire reflected in their eyes as they watched from the safety of the highlands. The fire burned in Saw as he let what was his to be taken from him.

( _Never again._ )

Now the war is over; he will go home and he won’t let Onderon be preyed upon by overbearing governments again.

Saw leans over the table where they were plotting their next strike and laughs to the empty room.

“What’s so funny?”

Ahsoka strides in, smelling of bonfire, but strangely enough not of the whiskey the rest of the troops are over-indulging in tonight.

Straightening up, “I’m laughing at the universe’s idea of a joke. Leaving me to rebuild, when the only thing I know how to do is fight. King Dendup always spoke of the will of the people; he never said anything about the will of the galaxy.”

This is the only thing he’s good at and he isn’t even that good at it. Steela was always the tactician, the cool-headed one. And gods help the galaxy if he ever tries to be a politician. He can already hear choice remarks from Lux, chiding him for a lack of subtly.

But he doesn’t know what, or who, he’ll find on Onderon. He’s a patriot and he’ll do what Onderon requires of him.

Ahsoka merely shrugs. She isn’t enjoying the night’s celebration anymore than he is.

Saw wants to ask what’s bothering her. He knows better.

He settles for another topic instead. “What are you going to go, now that this is all over?”

She shrugs once more, “I haven’t thought about it.”

Ahsoka’s voice is offhand, as though brushing the question aside, but the strange look which crosses her face says otherwise. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t pry any further.

Saw reckons he’s pretty good at reading people, but he gave up trying to figure out Ahsoka a long time ago, deeming it impossible to know what goes on in her head. There is one thing he knows for sure about her: she doesn’t have a place to go to.

With the Jedi gone, there is little reason for her to return to Coruscant and she’s never mentioned any other home.

“Come with me,” he suggests.

Laughing slightly, “Why?”

“To help rebuild Onderon. Make it your home, if you’ve got nowhere else to go back to.”

He tries to be as cavalier as she is, but it is more blunt than he intends ( _there isn’t any other way to get through to her_ ). Part of him hopes she’ll come. It’ll be easier to go back with someone than to go back alone.

Ahsoka sits down at the table and pointedly looks away from him. It’s the only way he knows he’s struck a nerve, when she deliberately hides her face.

“I don’t need pity,” she says harshly.

“I wasn’t offering pity!” Saw cuts back.

She stays facing away from him, the muscles in her shoulders tightening.

“Look, if you don’t want to come, you don’t have to! But you can’t pretend you’re any happier about the outcome of this war than I am! We both wish we had played a bigger part – that we had made those final blows to the Empire! It’s why we’re not celebrating with the rest of them because we fought this war too, but no one will remember our contribution!

“That could have been us! Destroying the Death Star – killing both the Emperor and Vader in one fell swoop, but it wasn’t!”

Frustrated, Saw kicks over a nearby chair and makes for the exit.

He needs a drink.

“Was this just about being remembered for you?!”

Ahsoka has finally moved. She’s standing again, riled by Saw’s words. Saw stands his ground, opposing her and trying not to think about what the blade of a lightsaber feels like.

“You know it wasn’t!”

“Then act like it! You fought for Onderon; that means something! Enjoy the final victory! Who cares who finished the job?”

“Clearly you do! Isn’t that why you’re not celebrating? Somebody else put an end to Vader, taking your chance for revenge! Admit it, Tano! That’s why you’re bitter tonight!”

Her stare is like ice. A warning sign, telling him he may have gone too far, but he doesn’t back down.

Unexpectedly, Ahsoka breaks her glare and replies, voice level again, “Vader is a part of it, but not a vengeful part.”

After years of closing herself off, Saw can’t tell if it’s some measure of vulnerability or the honest-to-gods truth.

He approaches her, cautiously reaching out a hand and placing it on her shoulder, “Forget it. It doesn’t matter. There’s only one course of action tonight.”

Saw leads them outside. Someone hands him a bottle; he passes it to Ahsoka, who drinks it straight. Another bottle is given to him and Saw joins in. It isn’t too long before they’re both shouting and cheering along with the rest of them.

Saw’s memory of the night gets hazy after several hours, but when he wakes the next morning he’s sure he remembers Ahsoka agreeing to come with him.

\----------

Days later, Saw and the few others from Onderon make ready to leave.

Many of the newer recruits, the ones they picked up along the way, left for their homes hungover from a night of pure euphoria. They didn’t fight as long, didn’t invest as much in the cause; they could just pick up and go.

Saw stays to see everything over and done. A handful of others stay because they still think of him as their leader.

Ahsoka is nowhere to be found.

In the days leading up to their departure, Ahsoka seemed her usual self. Stoic most people called it. Focused, is how Saw interpreted it ( _very little goes unnoticed by her, less gets by her_ ).

Perplexed by her disappearance, Saw takes one last sweep of the rebel camp. All he finds are piles of forgotten rubbish and broken bottles in the vacant dugouts.

Even as he’s boarding the transport, Saw looks back over his shoulder for her.

Still no sign.

“Let’s go!” he shouts to the pilot.

He shakes off Ahsoka’s disappearance ( _she can take care of herself_ ) and straps himself down for takeoff. He’s going home.

\----------

It is as he expects: Iziz is a ruin.

After the Empire burnt it to the ground they moved the capital to Kira, leaving the city to crumble and decay.

Darkly, Saw thinks of all the other cities he witnessed being destroyed in the same manner; crushed because they were symbols of freedom and resistance. ( _So much effort for so little return._ )

He wanders the city alone, revisiting old haunts and wishing he were the ghost, not them. Phantom ceilings hang overhead, letting in the draft and drizzle.

The rain worsens, the longer he ambles through the city.

The streets widen as his feet lead him to what remains of the palace. After the Onderon rebellion, it was such an important part of this life. Working with Steela and Lux alongside King Dendup and General Tandin to do what was best for the system. The five of them made it their goal to share their future of as free citizens, as true sons and daughters of Onderon.

He’s the only one left now.

He lets his feet lead the way; it’s easier than thinking about where he should go. He’s not even sure what he was hoping to achieve in coming back here. All the work to be done is in Kira.

Stairs creak beneath his heavy footsteps as his makes his way up to his old flat. He’s surprised they are sturdy enough to support his weight.

The exterior of the building doesn’t resemble anything out of memory; the interior fared no better.

In the shambles of his flat, Saw waits for the floor to collapse beneath him, but it holds as well as the stairs. The rain leaks from its phantom ceiling too. He lets it wash the soot and dirt on his face.

Nearly twenty-four years since he last laid his head to rest in this place. Nearly twenty-four years since he’s slept peacefully. Why didn’t it ever occur to him he wouldn’t be able to call this place home again?

Not hoping to find anything in a condition to keep, Saw rummages through old possessions, all the things he had to leave behind in their flight from the Empire. Most of it is trash anyway; Saw was never the sentimental type.

On the table, datapads and holo recordings lay scattered about, just as he left them. With Tandin’s guiding hand, Saw was trying to improve his political as well as his tactical skill. That too was interrupted by the war and will never be finished now.

It’s all just rubbish now. Saw pointlessly presses the replay button on one of the holos.

The gears inside the mechanism start to whirl. No image appears.

Saw jabs at the charred controls again. The holo whirls again and sparks, but stubbornly it refuses to play its recording.

Scowling, Saw puts it back on the table and makes for the exit.

There’s nothing more to see here and it’s time to move forward. Tandin once told him aligning himself with the past wouldn’t bode well for the future; Saw’s not going to start now, especially when he doesn’t have a past.

Something clicks into place and the room is filled with a blue glow.

Saw stops, hand on the doorframe, and turns back to look at the image emitting from the holo.

The quality is crap; it flickers and falters, it’s fuzzy and blurred, but beyond those things it is the image of a younger version of himself ( _a face he barely recognizes_ ), his sister, and their friend. The three of them are laughing and smiling; toasting to one thing or another.

He feels a lump forming in his throat.

Briskly he moves back across the room, shuts it off, shielding it from the leak. He’s unsure if the dampness of his cheeks is from the rain.

He’s stands in the charred remains of his flat, but he it’s the farthest away from home he’s ever been.

Saw pockets the holo, leaving the rest behind.

\----------

“Senator Organa –”

“Senator Organa’s dead.”

“Senator _Leia_ Organa has sent out a wave, calling on all systems who do not wish to rejoin the Republic to attend a summit to negotiate terms of peaceful separation and potential trade agreements. We, on this temporary committee, have not come to a conclusion as to whether we shall accept this invitation or align ourselves with the Republic once more.”

Saw paces the room.

He knows what this spineless committee will do without the guidance of a king. They will scurry behind the skirts of the Republic and wait for the Senate to pat them on the head for falling in line with the rest.

As for the Republic, they wasted no time regaining control of indecisive systems. They started herding the nerfs before any of them were back on their feet.

The election for Onderon’s kingship won’t take place until months after the Republic’s summit. By that time it will be too late to back out.

Saw pinches his nose and shuts his eyes while the committee explains to him why they believe rejoining the Senate will be an advantageous choice for Onderon.

“You’re all just scared,” Saw responds through his clenched jaw. “And since you’re scared, it’s no different than being forced to partake in the Empire!”

“Nobody on this committee is being scared into anything, General Gerrera,” the head of the committee insists.

Saw flinches at his new title.

There was an overwhelming public response on his return to appoint _him_ King of Onderon. The people clamored for news of their resistance leaders during the time of the Empire. Many of them, at the risk of their own safety, openly mourned the loss of Steela and Lux when the news reached them.

But Saw refused the kingship, his ambitions to be a leader gone. He would not have been able to embrace, bend, or break the will of the people. And his newfound popularity would have dwindled and faded fast. He will not sit on a throne while others labor.

As ever, Saw is a man of action, so he refused, but they would not allow him to decline a military post.

“I didn’t say anyone was scaring you into this, but that you _are_ scared; scared if we don’t pick one side or the other, we’ll fall under occupation again. I won’t let that happen.

“Send Sanjay to the Separatist Council on Raxus, he can negotiate with them. I will go to Coruscant and meet with Leia Organa. We will not choose any side until we have a king.”

Under their breath, one of the committee member mutters, “We could have had a king already.”

Saw shoots a look down the table, “The will of the people of Onderon is stronger than you might think and when the time comes that we have a king, it might just surprise you exactly what it is they want.”

The committee looks at him with a mixture of anger and resentment.

He’s right and what’s worse to them: they’re in the wrong. They are, as they said, only a temporary committee; meant to be in place only until the election has taken place.

“I will go to Coruscant,” Saw repeats firmly, “and request a postponement on our allegiance decision until such a time that we have a king again.”

\----------

“And can the ‘will of your people’ not speak for itself on this matter?”

The young Senator Organa arches her brow shrewdly.

“As Onderon has no permanent form of government, it won’t. They would rather speak with one voice. And wouldn’t you rather go through this process once, when Onderon is prepared to talk? I am not even an official representative.”

Her eyes narrow, “You don’t like the Republic do you, General Gerrera?”

“No. I don’t. It hasn’t done anything in the past to win my favor and it doesn’t appear to be faring any better now.”

Organa leans back in her chair – her father’s chair before her, Saw assumes. They’re meeting privately in the old Alderaan offices of the Senate Dome, overlooking the bleak city skyline.

“My father extended the hand of the Rebel Alliance to your own faction of rebels on a number of occasions, if I remember correctly. Is your hatred of the Republic so deep that it prevented you from accepting an offer of a partnership? Together the two rebel forces could have done more damage to the Empire.”

“So Onderon and systems like her could be beholden to the Republic?” Saw shoots back.

He’s reminded of the argument with Lux before they enlisted the aid of the Jedi during the resistance. Barely a man then, but more of a politician then than Saw will ever be, Lux managed to convince him asking the Jedi Order wouldn’t tie them to the Senate.

But this is different. Bail Organa never left the Senate.

“My father would never have presumed to hold you to such a debt. While he believed in the ideals of the Republic, he was also among the few senators who supported a system’s right to be autonomous.”

“Well, I didn’t know your father, did I?”

They stare each other down and seeing nothing else for it, Saw inhales and plays his last card, “If you honor your father’s convictions then you must allow Onderon and the other systems more time to make their decision.”

Organa nods and moves from behind the large desk between them to a corner of the office. She pours two tumblers of whiskey; she keeps one for herself and offers the other to Saw.

She holds out her glass, “To Onderon’s future relationship with the Republic, whatever that may be.”

“To Onderon,” Saw agrees and their glasses clank together heavily.

\----------

He has time to kill before his transport takes off, Saw wanders the Senate Dome. It’s impressive, he’ll give it that.

“Didn’t expect to find you here.”

Saw whips around at the sound of her voice and there she is leaning against the wall near the windows. Ahsoka steps forward.

She’s donned the robes of a Jedi, no longer a student and no longer a rebel. She has taken up the mantle of her masters. He supposes someone must pick up the pieces of the disgraced Jedi Order, just as he must pull Onderon to its feet. It might as well be Ahsoka. ( _What other Jedi are left?_ )

He can’t place it, but something in her demeanor has changed too.

He takes the offensive, “You disappeared! You were going to come back to Onderon with me and you just left! What the hell happened?!”

Unexpectedly, Ahsoka looks ashamed.

“There was something I needed to do.”

“So you just took off?!” He’s shocked by the forcefulness of his anger. He hadn’t realized how hurt he had been by Ahsoka’s desertion.

Maybe he sets too much store by brothers-in-arms, but he thought that bond meant something to her too. Maybe he started to rely on her a little too much, but after Steela and Lux, she was the closest thing in the galaxy he had to a friend.

“I’m sorry, but I had to know.”

“Had to know what?” he snaps.

“Skywalker, the one who destroyed the Death Star, the one they said dueled Vader; I needed to know who he was…”

Her voice trails; it dawns on Saw. _Of course._

Skywalker – her old master – her driving cause for revenge. He should have made the connection right away. She, more than anyone, deserved to know who this alleged ‘hero of the Rebel Alliance’ was.

“Did you find him?”

Smiling, she nods, “Anakin’s son, through and through.”

The delight seems out of place in her voice.

“You still could have told me you were leaving,” he says a little resentfully.

“I’m sorry, Saw. I didn’t think it mattered so much to you, I didn’t expect to find who I found, and I never thought I would end up back here.”

Saw nods in agreement. It was just as unlikely that she would return to this place as it is for him to be here at all.

“We’ve been rebuilding the Jedi Order, Saw. Luke and I. But we’re not just gathering the Jedi and Force-sensitive scattered across the galaxy; we’re rewriting the Jedi Code! We’re making it better than it was!”

Her excitement reminds Saw of how he feels about restoring Onderon to its former glory, making it better than it was.

“It seems both of us have risen above the status of resistance rabble. You a Jedi Master,” he motions to her attire, “and me, general of Onderon’s royal guard.”

He grins as surprise spreads across her face.

“Saw that’s fantastic!”

“Yeah, well, I could have been king if I wanted it.”

Ahsoka is genuinely impressed, but doesn’t get a chance to reply. Down the corridor a man, also in Jedi robes, calls to her. She tells him she’ll be right there.

“I have to go, but next time you’re on Coruscant, don’t think you can get away without getting a drink with me first.”

“If I ever find myself here again.”

She rolls her eyes and says with certainty, “You will.”

She gives him a quick hug then turns on her heel and walks away, robes billowing out behind her. As Ahsoka disappears with the man, it strikes Saw what’s changed about her. He understands why a smile seemed off on her face and why delight sounded foreign in her voice.

Ahsoka has opened up. She’s let people in. She feels again, like she did when they first met.

He doesn’t know how or why the change happened, but she’s found a way to move forward.

It’s time for him to do the same.

**Author's Note:**

> See author bio for discussion on this 'verse.


End file.
